“They Don’t Have to Like Me”

I can’t stand when I hear leaders say, “It is what it is. They don’t have to like me”.

It’s a cop out.

Now, is there a list longer than a CVS receipt with business owners and mob bosses who have succeeded with this mentality?

Sure, if you define that success by their monetary profit and lives they bulldozed over.

But, what about their legacy?

How about their impact? Did their presence bring about a unified team?

Let me clear. A leader who challenges their team, and as a result goes head-to-head with them at times is not the same.

(Many more clarifications to come).

Anyways, I refer to it as a cop out because that boss takes full advantage of their position.

Essentially, they can treat their team in anyway, without their position being in jeopardy.

In their head, it’s quite noble and powerful. “I will sacrifice others liking me to drive results. This is why I have this position. I can handle this, they can’t”.

Here’s how I think about it as a manager: This mindset not only makes my responsibility to produce results harder, but it sucks going through it.

Try getting someone to absorb your coaching and trust you if they genuinely do not like you. I’m willing to take the frustration, and impatience when I have to challenge someone, but it’s not the same.

Now, am I liked by everyone?

Far from it. I’ve had many instances where employees have left or have been fired where I can guarantee they do not think fondly of me.

The difference is I don’t wear is as a badge of honor, but I accept it because of this:

I focus on setting a standard. The  expectations, processes, rules etc have not only been discussed, but agreed upon with the entire team.

When a team member does not meet those standards or better yet, continues to not meet them (everyone makes mistakes) then that’s when I have to either pull, push or release.

Depending on the process that we go through, they may not like me. But that’s fine because there are other members of the team who are meeting the agreed upon standards.

If I make an exception, the entire value system crumbles. The team feels disrespected and duped.

For those reasons, I have to accept not being liked.

It doesn’t stop me in my tracks because I gotta do what I gotta do, but it’s still irritating.

Think about it.

Do you have fun being around someone you don’t like?

Would you willingly go around that person if you don’t like them?

Are you ready to trust someone you don’t like?

Do you think the person you don’t like has your best interest?

Again, I’ve been challenged by bosses, and coaches to a breaking point, but I saw it as that…I’m being challenged to become better.

They showed me by example that there was love for me. An intention of making me better.

As a leader, you will come across many people who won’t jive with your values, and vision.

In those instances, they won’t like you and frankly, there’s not much you can do to change that.

You’ll have to be strong enough to accept it and keep moving forward (push/pull/release)

I only caution you to not measure your effectiveness to how many people you trample to improve your bottom line. 

It doesn’t make you badass if the entire team hates you and dreads coming into work.

Drop the saying all together.