Stop Complaining About Your Boss-Try Talking To Them Instead
When it comes to 1:1s, we instinctually think downward about how we can structure them for our team. If you receive the 1:1, you naturally put the onus on your direct report to structure the discussion.
Fair enough. Especially if you read last week's post, I wouldn't expect you to think differently.
The reality however is the upward feedback you provide to your boss is as vital as the 1:1s he/she sets up for you.
The problem is that feedback is rarely effective.
Why? Because it's either a full-on vent session coated with personal biases or nothing at all.
If you're not happy with your boss, and you're not effectively communicating that discontent, then you'll forever be stuck in that state of discontent.
Does the manager have a responsibility in creating a safe environment for you to express that?
YES. (Check last week's post)
However, I firmly believe you have to give others a chance to respond.
I'm on the other side of the spectrum. I have no problem speaking up aka I can't shut up but framing what I want to say and removing the personal emotion from it is difficult for me.
Whether you're anxious or avoidant, I created a framework that will ensure your feedback to your manager produces results. And maybe, just maybe you'll stop complaining about your boss during happy hour.
Let me know what you think.
1. State Your Feelings and Reference Facts
Be Honest and Specific: Clearly express how you feel about a situation or action. Tie your feelings to specific incidents rather than generalities.
Use "I" Statements: This keeps the focus on your perspective and reduces defensiveness. For example, "I felt overwhelmed when the project deadlines were changed without notice."
Avoid Hearsay: Base your feedback on your own experiences and observations. Avoid referring to rumors or what others have said.
2. Seek Collaborative Solutions
Offer Your Help: Show your willingness to contribute to resolving the issue. Ask, "What can I do to help alleviate this situation?" This demonstrates your commitment to the team's success and fosters a cooperative atmosphere.
Stay Solution-Oriented: Emphasize that your goal is to find solutions, not to assign blame. This helps to keep the conversation productive.
3. Propose Concrete Solutions
Provide Suggestions: Offer specific ideas on what you would like to see changed. This gives your manager a starting point for action and demonstrates your proactive attitude.
Invite Context: Encourage your manager to share their perspective. This can provide valuable context you might be missing and help you understand their constraints and priorities.
4. Balance Between Anxiety and Avoidance
Find the Middle Ground: Aim to be assertive without being aggressive. Avoid both venting with excessive emotion and pretending everything is fine when it's not.
Be Constructive: Focus on constructive criticism that aims to improve the situation. Frame your feedback in a way that is intended to build rather than break down.
Example Scenario:
You: "I wanted to talk about the recent changes in our project deadlines. I felt stressed and underprepared when the deadlines were moved up without any notice. I understand there might have been pressing reasons, but it made it difficult to manage my workload effectively."
Manager: "I appreciate you bringing this up. The deadlines were changed due to a last-minute client request. I should have communicated that better."
You: "I understand that client demands can be urgent. What can I do to help manage these changes more effectively in the future?"
Manager: "We could develop a contingency plan for such scenarios. Do you have any suggestions on how we can improve our communication?"
You: "Maybe we could have a brief team huddle whenever there's a significant change. It would help everyone stay informed and adjust their priorities accordingly."
Manager: "That's a great idea. Let's implement that going forward. Thank you for your input."
