The 1:1 that Ends Surprises: Building Trust and Transparency with your Team
You've heard the phrase "It's not what you say, but how you say it". When it comes to management, it's what you do AND how you do it.
That's because in the presence of your team, you're always under a microscope.
They're studying your every move. Not so much your performance, but your behavior.
Do you get frustrated, and are you empathetic towards their problems? Are you patient with their progress, and are you honest when shit hits the fan? Do you care where they're headed or only looking to progress your career?
I can go on and on but how your employees study you is how you should be studying them.
Too often, managers "study" with such intention that they back themselves into a corner. In other words, you end up making assumptions based on a few indicators depriving yourself of the bigger picture.
You have no choice but to make educated guesses based on the tidbit of information you've gathered.
We talked about this a few weeks ago, but I can't tell you how many leaders think they know their team. When you peel the onion, you see they send a slack once every 2 days. Or stating "We always talk", referring to a back-and-forth about a project.
The secret is simple. Carving out dedicated time consistently.
The idea is, that the more information you have, the less guessing you'll have to do. From there you can confidently approach any topic. After all, you're working with a plethora of information now.
I know you're going to bang your head against the wall if you hear me talk about feedback again, but in my defense, we've never done a deep dive!
We know we should sit down with our team, but how we go about it hasn't been covered.
It's your lucky day. I've broken it down as much as I can; Take this guide and I promise the hard conversations will be easier to get through.
Regular Rhythm: Ditch the sporadic "catch-up" emails and establish weekly or bi-weekly 1:1s, dedicated solely to your direct report. Set aside 45 minutes to an hour for uninterrupted focus.
Three Pillars: Divide each 1:1 into three distinct sections:
Issues: This is your open forum. Both you and your team member can raise any concerns, frustrations, or roadblocks, big or small. It's a chance to clear the air and address potential problems before they snowball.
Performance: Don't wait for quarterly reviews for this one. Utilize your CRM or a handy performance dashboard to track key metrics and progress. Briefly review these with your team member, highlighting strengths and areas for development. Transparency here fosters accountability and a shared understanding of goals.
Feedback: This is where the magic happens. Ditch the one-sided lectures and embrace a "thanks and ask" structure.
The Gratitude Loop: Start by thanking your team member for something specific they did well in the past week. Did they crush a presentation? Solve a tricky problem? Acknowledge their effort and let them know their contributions are valued.
The Growth Catalyst: Now comes the "ask." This isn't a laundry list of complaints; it's a targeted request for improvement. Maybe you want them to focus on a particular skill, delegate more effectively, or tackle a specific project differently. Phrase your ask as a suggestion for their growth, not a criticism of their current performance.
Two-Way Street: Remember, feedback isn't a one-way street. Encourage your team member to return the favor with a "thanks" and an "ask" of their own. This reciprocal exchange builds trust and fosters communication.
The key? Consistency. By making these 1:1s a regular ritual, you're not just checking boxes; You're building a dynamic ecosystem of transparency and feedback.
Surprises become obsolete, replaced by a shared understanding of expectations, progress, and challenges.
The benefits are manifold:
Reduced conflict: Issues get addressed early, preventing simmering resentments and misunderstandings.
Improved performance: Clear feedback and targeted "asks" empower your team to grow and thrive.
Stronger relationships: Regular, genuine communication builds trust and fosters a collaborative spirit.
Smoother transitions: When changes in responsibilities or difficult news arise, they're not bombshells, but logical next steps in a well-established dialogue.
No 1:1 system is foolproof, but the "No Surprises" approach offers a powerful framework for building strong, productive relationships with your team.
Give it a try, watch the bridge of trust grow, and see those surprise lightning bolts fade into a steady, supportive sunlight.
Remember, it's not about eliminating tough conversations; it's about creating a context where they can happen naturally, constructively, and without anyone getting startled.
